I'll be turning sixteen on May. sixteen. only sixteen and I've already had a huge load of excess baggage. I already have a lot of things I regret doing. and I'm starting to hate myself for making these bad decisions. it may have not resulted to a bad situation, still, having done or committed something so wrong and so early just doesn't seem right. take my family issues for example, I have never opened up to them. nor told them the story of my life. nor my thoughts. nada. my friends know me than they do. this blog even, knows me more. and I hate it. I don't know where to start, but I know I have to. have to start opening up, being honest, being me. and not my alter ego.

all I know now is that I've got a great life ahead of me. I've got more than a dozen chances to make things straight. all I have to do know is begin.

mood: worried
currently listening to: showbiz talk show in the background



Sex Ed

when you have some sex with someone you love, things get complicated.
it's not something you can shrug off. -from Mr. Write

I read her blog awhile ago and she wrote something about virginity. although I agree with what she says, this is the 21st century. I'm not saying that one has to go out and find somebody you can screw with. what I'm trying to say is that, I somewhat agree to the issue of premarital sex (PMS). as long as it is about love. there's commitment. you do it not just for the heck of it but for something. sex, they say, is the most expressive form of love. thus the term making love. but that doesn't mean that you have to have sex with your significant other to prove your love for each other. sex, making love, or whatever you want to call it, isn't "proof" but rather, an expression. but then again, there are other ways of expressing love.

*sigh* how do I explain this? let's take me for example. I swore to myself I would never have sex with someone until after college. I won't be such a hypocrite to say I can wait up for marriage. although I can, what I'm saying is, I'll do it if I'm stable already. if the both of us have stable jobs and bright, crystal clear futures. I wouldn't do it if I still see a blurry tomorrow ahead of me.

I also don't think having PMS is a sin. again, as long as it's about love.

what I don't agree with are one-night-stands and fuck buddies and friends with benefits. damn. I know a lot of people like this and I despise them.

***

guys. kung ano man yung alam ninyong "biological" issue, quiet nalang kayo. respect naman please. respect. thanks. we really appreciate it.

mood: concerned
currently listening to: frieday - bizzy bone


nobody, as in nobody, who is in her right state of mind would take back a guy whom she caught red handed cheating on her. diba? once a player always a player. haay nako. wala nang dapat pang initindihin dun eh. it's just plain stooooopid.

it's amazing how love, or should I say men, can alter the minds of women. it's amazing how they can mess things up. especially in the cheating department. they've got so many excuses. "weak kasi ako eh". leche. so many lame excuses. and they say flirting is healthy? no it's not. flirting is cheating.

mood: banas to the max
currently listening to: sleep all day - jason mraz



camwhores 



it's really tag-aral season. although I find myself everyday waking up at 6:30 and arriving school at 9, I'm busy, rather, my mind is busy. I'm currently searching for stocked knowledge in my head for achievement tests in all subjects. it was only now that I realized I studied too much for my economics class instead of trigonometry. and because of that I found economics' AT sisiw, and trigonometry's hard. kainis. another reason that adds up to my inis, inabutan na kasi ako ng uwian when I was taking trigo's AT. arg! I could've anwered those last four questions much better than how I did it awhile ago. di ko man lang ba naisip na it will freakin' affect my damned grade?!? aarrgghh!!

mood: nagsisisi
currently listening to: crybaby - mariah carey featuring snoop dogg


guys can sometimes be so damned dumb. especially when it comes to losing their girlfriends for reasons that they themselves caused. ewan ko ba, kung kelan nasa kanila yung mga girlfriend nila, pinababayaan lang. binabalewala. ang lakas ng loob mag-gago at mambabae, kasi assured sila na sakanila naman yung mga "mahal" nila eh, di sila iiwan. pero pag iniwan nah, ayan, lalong nagiging gago. pinagkakalat sa friends na 'fine, may mali ako, pero sya rin naman ah'. grrr! kung anu-anong kalokohan pinag-gagagawa. in the end, minsan, yung girl pa yung yung lumalabas na mali. at dahil lalake nga sila, hindi sila magsi-seek ng comfort sa isang kaibigang babae kasi alam nilang mababara lang sila kasi mali talaga sila. yung mga lalake namang pinagsabihan, hindi man lang itanong yung side ng girl. unfair.

***

WHAT WOMEN WANT:
from MANual magazine, February 2005 issue

don't make us spell it out.

always shower before bed, for crying out loud. Even if you don't expect anything will happen.

don't be metrosexual, but don't lose all your vanity either. save a little.

except in the strength department, women are the superior sex. anything you can do we can do, ten times better. literally.

if you can't think of a gift to give, write us a sweet letter. we'd prefer that to roses or stuffed toys.

don't talk about yourself incessantly.

have drive and ambition. that's a turn-on.

don't wear Speedos if you don't have a right to. shame on you.

you can tell a lot about a man by the shoes he wears. and how he wears them. no socks? no way!

no g-strings! i'd rather you not wear anything at all.

my non-negotiables? just three. cheating on me. hitting me. doing drugs.

I believe in second chances. I don't believe in thirds.

we forgive. but we find it almost impossible to forget.

believe it or not, we have the uncanny ability to tell somehthing funny is going on. so don't even try.

ask for directions. it's not sissy.

mood: pissed with men
currently listening to: i'm gonna be alright - j.Lo featuring nas

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[ Monday, February 21, 2005 ] 9:11:00 PM

I slept at 2 in the morning today, woke up at 6:30 I think left the house at 8:30 and arrived school at 9. yes, I was late and I love it, in fact I'm doing it again tomorrow. heehee.

I walked down the halls of the school and found nobody I know around. I was almost panicky that there might be an usapan ng COF na walang papasok . good thing I went up to the 3rd floor where my crew's usual first subjects are, and there I found pao in stats and marge in the other room (trigo). wala lang. during recess, I found my posse at The Tree Of Life laughing their heads off (for some reason I already forgot). nung lunch, amcee told us a story that made us all kilig for her. MAY LALAKE NA SIYA! oh we can't help but giggle.

***

amidst all the laughter at The Tree, I realized -later on during the day- that I have been inconsiderate of other's feelings. his feelings in particular. I'm sorry swity.

(but I did sort of argue with him today. it actually feels good, to let go of the emotional excess baggage.)

***

when you have some sex with someone you love, things get complicated. it's not something you can shrug off. -from Mr. Write

I agree.

duh?! as if I know. but yeah, I agree.

mood: blank opinionated
currently listening to: the electric fan
currently reading: Mr. Write by M.D. Balanque

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[ Sunday, February 20, 2005 ] 5:41:00 PM

kanina pa ako sa harap ng PC. ngayon lang naka-connect. my goodness! I bought ISP Bonanza. and hirap mag-connect. kainit ng ulo. so I used Vibe instead. anyway...

just came home from the grocery to pick up a few things. before heading home, I went to the bookstore to purchase a book. I miss reading. I really do. I'm actually on the lookout for chick lit. heehee. here's my books shop list:

The Devil Wears Prada by Lauren Weisberger

The Nanny Diaries by Emma McLaughlin

Bergdorf Blondes by Plum Skyes

4 Blondes by Candace Bushnell

Sex & The City by Candace Bushnell
these, amongst many other books...*sigh* if only I have enough money...

mood: girly
currently listening to: work it - nelly featuring justin timberlake
currently reading: Hubble Bubble by Christina Jones

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1:47:00 PM

just an addition to my amusement about The Gateway Mall, the only bad thing I could say about it is the location. I think Market! Market! should be placed there in Cubao, and The Gateway Mall should be placed at The Bonifacio Global City. wala lang. maybe Araneta should just modernize the whole Cubao so that Gateway can fit there.

mood: just chillin'
currently listening to: oops! oh my - tweet featuring fabolous

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[ Saturday, February 19, 2005 ] 7:53:00 PM

we went to Gateway mall today in Cubao, and boy was it gorgeous! it has the look and feel of Greenbelt a la Podium. yup Ayala and Sy combined, and that equals to Araneta. heehee. thing is, mostly are designer shops so I might want to shop there when I'm on a huge budget. seeing all the new stuff there makes me want to enter every shop and buy something. too bad I don't have enough money to splurge. we went up to the cinemas, and the dome was spectacular. i dunno, maybe I was justa amazed because they really have a new design there. something you don't see in your everyday malls. new design. new concept. next I go out with my crew, that will be our next destination.

mood: cheerful
currently listening to: the boxing match on TV downstairs

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[ Friday, February 18, 2005 ] 11:43:00 AM

this PC's nearly crashing already. and I'm so damned pissed about it. I wish I have enough money to buy my own laptop, para ako lang yung gagamit. hindi naman sa nagdadamot. it's just that everytime I use this PC there are new stuff installed. yung mga bigla nalang nai-install nang di man lang nagco-confirm. arg! tapos ang gulo ng files. naka-designate na nga yung mga folders, outside parin nag-ssave. tapos magagalit-galit sila na nawawala yung files nila. eh papano? kung saan-saan inilalagay. grrr.

***

I figured, I don't want an iPod anymore. iPod is just an mp3 player. just that, nothing else. no radio. no recorder. nada. i wouldn't want to spend fifteen grand for something that only has one function. so here's my mp3 wishlist. any of these will do. (and these don't cost fifteen grand. just eleven below, I think.)

HD200

FL100

FY200
anybody care to give me any of these as grad gift? heehee.

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[ Thursday, February 17, 2005 ] 8:10:00 PM

I don't really have any exact reason why I still go to school. ang kulang ko nalang kasi sa lahat ng subjects ay yung mga Achievement Tests. although I can just stay home and study for those grade-hungry-tests, I still wake up early everyday and go to school. reasons? one, I have my resources there. in case I need a module to help me recall the lesson better, I can just go and borrow. two, I might just sleep here at home (baka nga hindi pa might baka will pa, hehe). three, my friends are there ('nuff said). four, (my biggest reason) he is there. I'll miss him eh. and besides I'm helping him with his school stuff.

and because I don't have anything to do today, (preparation lang for tomorrow's PTC) I decided to help marge with her pasta bridge. yes, a bridge made of pasta that is strong enough to carry 2 kilograms of load. not easy. totally not easy. I helped them from 8 am til 11 I think. and it's not even done yet. see how hard it is?

just when I thought I've really ran out of things to do, my moderator bugged me about my skills. I won't be able to make it to the third partial list if I don't fix my music class. and so I did. here's what happened: last friday, rogi and I recorded our song composition already. problem was, we just recorded on pao's tape (next to her track of course). when the tape was passed. Ms. C told pao that she can't allow that (two tracks. one tape). so there started the hassle. and I just fixed it awhile ago. good thing lauren has an extra blank tape. rogi has a recorder. and jonas borrowed komang's guitar. so yun. we recorded our composition na. just when I was about to pass the tape, I knocked on Ms. C's door and she wasn't there! so I started looking for her in the hot, sticky summer air. buti nalang I found her. ayun nakapasok ako partial. whew!
tapos nun. wala lang. tumambay lang ako. found him. spent time with him til dismissal.

***

I had strawberry milkshake kanina! heehee!

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