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just when you thought you're already doing great on the "changing" stint you're trying to do to be a better person, someone comments on you, again, for the freaking nth time, that you're still the same. that nothing has changed. whatever...

I think I'm depressed. check the Mild Depressive Episode. seems like a lot like me. *sigh*


I'm back! (actually nung wednesday afternoon pa) from Puerto Galera with my family. here are some of the photos taken during the trip.


while waiting for the ship tickets


my nephew fooling around with a motor bike looking like Robin.. (bike's not ours by the way..)


bye bye Batangas!


camwhore-ing while on-board


at last we reached the hotel


a dip in the pool first after a quick nap...


camwhore-ing (again!) before bar hopping


spot the damned difference. (L-R) my sister and her boyfriend Ryan, my brother and his girlfriend Ivy, my brother and his wife Cae and me. staring at the dark night sky... *sigh*


my first taste (literally) of night life


bagsak na si kuya...hehe...


pati sila..


our own version of a scandal...


gabs (left, obviously) playing with the sand. the heart, that one I made out of boredom...or maybe I miss my Babu..


me. and gabs camwhore-ing before leaving..


pig out time!


*sigh* bye Puerto! you're definitely one of the places I didn't want to leave... I'll come back again some other time... with my friends nah!

I actually had everything I wanted, look:
a.) an mp3 player
b.) Puerto Galera trip
c.) banana boat ride
d.) night out, with drinking and no parents
e.) henna tattoo
f.) getting accepted to UST
...well, almost.


I'm having the best days of my life...

I bought my own mp3 player yesterday...

it has been decided that we're going to Puerto Galera on Monday and...

HAPPY 3rd ANNIVERSARY TO US!


I sooo looove these songs!

Same Ground
by Kitchie Nadal

My love
It's been a long time since i cried
And left you out of the blue
It's hard
Leaving you the way
When i never really wanted to

Self denial
Is a game so strange i never really should've wanted
Til there was you
Cause i have learned that love was beyond
What human can imagine
More it clears
The more i gotta let you go

'cause what i don't understand
Is why i'm feeling so bad now
When i know it was my idea
I could've just denied the truth and lied
Now why am i the only one standing stranded
On the same ground

My love
It's been a long time since i cried
And left you out of the blue
It's hard
Leaving you the way
When i never really wanted to

Self denial
Is a game so strange i never really should've wanted
Til there was you
Cause i have learned that love
Is a word just thrown
A litlle bit too much of this
Excuse to fill this infinite of desire
And nevere ever have to fade

Cause what i don't understand
Is why i'm feeling so bad now
When i know it was my idea
I could've just denied the truth and lied
Now why am i the only one standing stranded
On the same ground

If all else fail
Would you be there to love me?
When all else fails
Would you be brave to see right through me?

You And Me
by Lifehouse

What day is it
And in what month
This clock never seemed so alive
I can't keep up and i can't back down
I've been losing so much time

Cause it's you and me and all of the people
Nothing to do, nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all of the people and
I don't know why i can't keep my eyes off of you

All of the things that i want to say
Just aren't coming out right
I'm tripping on words, you got my head spinning
I don't know where to go from here

Cause it's you and me and all of the people
With nothing to do, nothing to prove
And it's you and me and all of the people and
I don't why i can't keep my eyes off you

Something about you now
I can't quite figure out
Everything she does is beautiful
Everything she does is right

Cause it's you and me and all of the people
With nothing to do, nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all of the people and
I don't know why i can't keep my eyes off of

You and me and all of the people
With nothing to do nothin to prove and
It's you and me and all of the people and
I don't why i can't keep my eyes off of you

What day is it
And in what month
This clock never seemed so alive


Bookworm

when you have already read The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown, no book will ever be good enough for you (not even his other books). unless you read chicklit so that you won't compare it to The Da Vinci Code because it's obviously two different genres. well anyway, I've just finished reading Just One Look by Harlan Coben (which was good. yup just good. I told you about the Da Vinci thing.) and am now reading Bergdorf Blondes by Plum Skyes --yup I resorted to chicklit. Bergdorf Blondes is funny and savagely maarte. as in maarte talaga. just when I thought I've had enough of the crazy shopaholic Rebecca Bloomwood of Confessions of a Shopaholic by Sophie Kinsella, here comes Julie Bergdorf and her bestfriend (whose name was never mentioned --although she's the one who talks in the novel) who are both very maarte.I actually recommend that you read it. nakakaaliw.

***

I usually have my own case of insomnia every vacation because I find it hard to sleep because my mind and my body are not exhausted yet, and so I sleep late. very late. and because of this, I have eye bags. aarrgghh!! it certainly doesn't look good. pano ba matanggal 'to? huhuhu...


[Emo-mode: On]

bakit ganon? kung kelan ingat na ingat kang huwag magkamali, dahil ayaw mong ma-upset yung isang tao dahil alam mong you're just hanging on to a thin strand of thread, dun ka pa may magagawang hindi nya magugustuhan. yung tipong walang explanation kung bakit mo nagawa yun. na para bang sinasadya pa ng tadhanang guluhin kayo.

hindi siya galit at alam mo yun. pero alam mong nadagdagan nanaman ng crack yung relationship nyo. isang crack na kahit maliit lang, pwedeng magdulot ng pagkabasag ng lahat. at pag nabasag na ang lahat, mahirap na itong buuin pa. isa-isa mong pupulutin ang mga bubog para mabuo ulit ang lahat. at sa panahong ginagawa mo ito, nasusugatan ka sa matatalim at matatalas na bubog. pero patuloy ka parin sa pagpulot ng maliliit na bahagi ng nabasag nyong relasyon, dahil sa pag-asang maaari pang maayos ang lahat. at kapag nasayo na ang lahat. kapag napagdikit-dikit at nabuo mo na, alam mong may lamat na ito. hindi na, kahit kailan, maibabalik pa sa dating anyo.

ayokong umabot sa ganon. ayoko.



some lines I quoted from Tuesdays With Morrie

"love wins... love always wins."

"learn to give out of love, and let it come in. let it come in. we think we don't deserve love, we think if we let it in we'll become too soft. but a wise man named Levine said it right, 'love is the only rational act'."

"why are we embarassed by silence? what comfort do we find in all the noise?"

"sonetimes you cannot believe what you see, you have to believe what you feel. and if you are ever going to have other people trust you, you must feel that you trust them too --even when you're in the dark. even when you're falling."



buraot blues.

I have noticed that I already have a daily routine. everyday, I usually wake up between 9:30 and 10:00, do my morning rituals, go dowsatirs for breakfast, wash the dishes and then go upstairs, turn on the PC and log on the net. when the clock strikes 12, I eat my lunch, do the dishes, wake the PC and go online again. although there may be some variations there after lunch. like taking a bath and then going online. or taking a bath and then going out to the mall. or taking a bath, go online, and then take a nap. variations like that. but all of it are just the same. aarrgghh!!

nakakaburaot talaga. I have already watched all the DVDs here. I have finished Smallville's season 4 already. I have finished reading all the interesting books on my shelf, and I've got no money to buy new ones.(well, actually I do. I just don't know any good reads, suggestions anyone?)

***

I don't think we'll be going to Puerto Galera on the 18th anymore. my dad doesn't like long trips because of his hypertension. and he says it might get pretty boring there also seeing the beach everyday for three days. I think it won't get as boring as staying here at home. and besides, when you see the view, I don't think you'll consider the island boring. we'll still go out for a vacation he says. wala pa lang napagdedesisyonan na pupuntahan.

***

eenie. meenie. minie. moe. who's the fairest of them all?



MPIO fl100: Php 6490



MPIO fy200: Php 6200



Creative MuVo V200: Php 5250



Creative Nomad TX FM: Php 5250

I would really appreciate it if you can help me decide. maybe when my sister gets home, I can post the prices of each for better comparison. posted it already!

oh, and if it isn't too much to ask, I badly need your prayers. you see, on the third week of april, I will find out whether or not I get accepted in UST for Accountancy (see previous post for details), and I really really want to get in. so please please please wish me luck and include me in your prayers.

thank you guys, sooo much, in advance!

new layout peeps!

I figured getting around the previous one was kinda complicated. and so I made another one to uncomplicate things a little bit.

***

quick update:
graduation was fine. no, I didn't cry. yep, no iyakan blues with my friends knowing that we will definitely see each other again any moment now. I was sad, yes. horrified actually that I have to go out and meet my fellow citizens at the big bad world outside the walls of AC. but oh well, that's life... I will surely miss AC, I won't enumerate the reasons anymore because there are just too many. if you're an angelican, you'll know what I'm talking about.

"...it is only here in Angelicum, that we, the imperfect people, perfectly fit." - Jonas Viola, Senior's Talk, 30th Commencement Exercises

last Monday, I went back to school to return the toga, have my clearance fully accomplished, and get my grades (I have an average of 89 by the way. yup, 89 only, I'm literally average you know). after that, I went straight to UST for the confirmation of my temporarily chosen course which is Behavioral Science. apparently, it's not possible to just transfer my records to Accountancy just in case I get in. you see, I applied for a third course (Accountancy) because I figured I don't want to be a doctor anymore, and shifting might be hard. downside is, the recommendation result will be out only after all those who passed have been accomodated, and that will be on the third week of April. if I don't get in, I would have to resort to FEU and take Accountancy there, and then, transfer (and hopefully get accepted) to UPD during 2nd year. how I wish I get accepted in UST. it'll be a mini-Angelicum there.

yesterday, 50 Cent woke me up. yep, he did. it was three in the freakin' morning when a car came passing by (probably on the way home from the club or drag racing), with speakers soo damn loud it woke me up. I found it funny actually (and of course annoying) because babu was just singing "Candyshop" to me the night before. what a coincidence.


The CAT-I Experience

It was Tuesday, March 29, 2005, when I found out that CAT-I Commandant, Mr. Gordon Cation requires all YS-11 students to write a five hundred-word essay about the CAT-I experience for clearance. By then, I thought a five hundred-word essay would obviously be long and hard to write about. But then I remembered all those experiences I have had and thought, ‘what would cause me to be caught up in a hassle in writing about it?’.

“This is batch is different. Ngayon lang nangyari ito sa buong history ng CAT”, quoted Mr. Cation when only 10 out of 260 YS-10 learners attended the CAT-I orientation during the last few school days last school year. A lot of reasons and excuses came up when this news broke out. All of us (well, almost) were complaining that one can’t just announce that ‘there will be an orientation/meeting on this time, at that place… yada yada yada…’ on that very day, just like that, which is so true. We still have to ask permission from our parents that we are going home late because of a certain occasion and still have to wait for their approval. What if they say no because of some reason and we can’t go home anymore because the bus has already left (wherein by the time we get home, they’ll scold us for not getting home early), or they (parents) are already outside to fetch us. Some were complaining that they already have something planned for the afternoon, and it can’t be cancelled just like that. This incident showed the reluctance of the batch about CAT, and that, includes me.

The inclination towards CAT grew even more during the reception. This was our first training day. This was our first taste of hardship, of grueling body pain, of co-students yelling at us to do what they want. Yes, many of us wanted to say something, to complain that this shouldn’t go on, that it was social injustice -and all that drama in between. I for myself just wanted to quit. But nobody complained, and I didn’t quit. Still curious on what’s in store for us, -for me- during the next training days; I went on and attended it as if it was a day of worship. Training days went on and passed by. There were drills, lectures, a lot of stuff to memorize, and tests. These days, didn’t change my being reluctant. In fact, I somehow hated it even more.

But my reluctance evolved and I started to like the trainings when the practice for the first activity -the Inter-Platoon- began. This was when Charlie-II, my platoon, forged friendships that last until this day. They became my reason for attending. The laughter and amusement we had became an enjoyable reason to work a little harder and exert a little more effort for the Inter-Platoon. I guess our attempts weren’t good enough because we didn’t win first place. But it was fine with all of us. We know that the important thing is the bonding that we had because of the preparation for the competition. We bagged some awards, all of them I already forgot, like our platoon leader Ma’am K-Anne (she received several awards, I think, and I can’t remember what about), even I, for one, received a gold medal for a test I can’t seem to recall what.
Another activity was the La Naval procession wherein we walked several blocks away from the school/church while praying the rosary. In spite of the sore feet, sweaty backs, dry throats and the desire to go on a detour to Mc Donald’s Banawe, we were all thankful that it didn’t rain (for the first time in years!), nothing bad happened and everything went well. (By the way, after which event I was inflicted with chicken pox.) Several training days went by and it became a little boring. We did nothing but stand at attention and stare at the space in front us. It certainly didn’t make us happy.

Then there were the physical trainings, which took place in preparation for the upcoming bivouac, which seemed to enliven things up (it became a reason for the attendance to go notches down though). Body aches and sore arms and legs, became the norm during those days. But despite of this exhausting activity, it was ok for all of because it is in preparation for the bivouac. That’s why some felt sad when the bivouac was cancelled and was said to be rescheduled due to the raging storm. I became sad because this was the day my dad decided not to let me go to the bivouac. Everything was prepared already and I so wanted to go because I know I will be missing a huge event. It was then rescheduled the day after the Christmas party and I just stayed home. Although I was happy that I don’t have to go through all that exhaustion, and that I was in the comforts of my home, with my own soft bed and fluffy pillows, I was still aware that I was missing a lot. ‘Oh well’ was all that I could ever say.

After that activity was the Inter-Company which was like, just some sort of a must-because-it’s-a-tradition and not really something we got serious about. Maybe because we know that after that, we’ll be graduates of CAT-I and it will be the end of all that.
Ah, the graduation. Who could ever forget that? A graduation where everybody became first batch graduates, since there’s no second, without having to go through the hassle of finishing the major subjects. (Too bad it wasn’t the real thing but anyway…) It was a graduation where we don’t have white togas to wear but heavy rifles to carry. A graduation where we don’t actually receive something in return (like a diploma of some sort), but instead, we receive the pride of being part of it. A certain feeling where we finally come to realize that after all the complaints and reluctance we had at first, we have garnered something, an experience that we know we are going to remember. A sentiment no other word could ever describe, as Mr. Cation would say, it is simply, priceless.

***

This afternoon, I will be graduating from high school. right now, I want to write something about this day, but there are too many thoughts in my head and I can't seem to figure out how to begin. next time nalang I guess...